Fionn Wilson

When I started painting in 2012, I’d never painted before. I’d sit down every evening when my daughter was asleep, and produce around three or four works a night. I painted hundreds of landscapes and portraits, they just seemed to stream out of my brush like they’d been waiting to be realised. As I painted more, I wanted to discover other painters more and my first love was, and still is, the expressionists (particularly German expressionism) (I remember being a bit upset at this stage when my good friend, and fellow artist, Bo Gorzelak Pedersen said that he considered my work to be impressionist!). Over all, what I can remember most about the period was the constant need to paint and the unswerving focus.

La tristesse (part II) (2013) (50×40 cm, heavy body acrylic on board) is very typical of the work I was producing at the time. It’s a semi-self portrait and it was painted very quickly, probably in around an hour or less. I moved from using acrylics to heavy-body acrylics at this stage because I really loved the impasto and thick brushstrokes of painters such as Auerbach, Freud, Sickert and Kossoff. I was also really influenced by Munch, which I think is obvious. The palette is limited, as I found struggles with balancing colour impeded my ability to paint quickly and as far as I understood and was starting to notice, the quicker I painted the better the paintings tended to be.

Around this time, I started to become really excited about the idea of running a pop-up gallery in Southgate and so SPACE was born in an old disused bank. I hung and curated and marketed all the exhibitions (seven in total – we were there for seven months before the building was sold). I was also balancing work and being a mother. There was a lot going on.

In 2015, there was a developing refugee crisis due to the war in Syria and I decided to, along with Bo, set up a Facebook-based creative collective of artists who were willing to donate work to sell on for a maximum of £100, with all proceeds going to relief charities. Later on in 2016, I organised and curated a group exhibition of female artists painting self portraits exploring sensuality and sexuality and I also began laying the foundations for an exhibition (later ACE-funded, touring to three venues and involving over 50 contributors) paying tribute to sixties icon Christine Keeler. 

I was still painting, but without the level of focus and fury that I found myself with when I had started four years previously. I had become immersed in doing a lot of excited planning and making things happen, but my painting had started to slow. I was diverted and my energies were scattered.

Christine Keeler and her cat (2017) (76×62 cm, heavy body acrylic on canvas) is, I think, more similar to La tristesse (part II) (2013) than you would at first think. They seem like quite different paintings but the feel is the same. The composition is remarkably similar, the palette is limited and the figures look as if they are emerging from the dark. Whereas the woman in La tristesse is overcome with sadness and melancholy and is alone and looking inward, Christine Keeler is more resolute. She has suffered, which is visible in her expression, but there is a sense of composure. She looks out at us, as if to ask questions, and she is not alone – her cat acts as an advocate and a protector. The portrait is now part of the Priseman Seabrook collection, which I count as one of the highlights of my painting life.

Comparing the paintings you can see, as a self-taught painter, that I had tightened up and honed some technical skills by 2017. But I also felt that somewhere along the line I had lost a sense of freedom, almost like I had painted myself into a corner. With many distractions and projects, I had stalled with regards my practice and process. Although I’m happy with where I was with this painting in 2017, I don’t feel I have progressed from this point. And this is the struggle I contend with now. I’m determined to re-immerse myself completely in the process of painting. How to get back to that place and rediscover that freedom is another matter. I know Bo would say that I just have to paint my way there and trust my hands.

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